If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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