This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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