my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize