Me too!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
