Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
