Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
