I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
