you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
