he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
