cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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