Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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