You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
