In the future we'll all be gay
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
