I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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