He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
