i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
