That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
