The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
