ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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