The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
