He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize