I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
