I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
