I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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