take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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