If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
