i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
