it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
