I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
