Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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