Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
