Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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