i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
