He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
