I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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