Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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