I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
