I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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