So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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