You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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