Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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