At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
