may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize