distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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