There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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