I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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