oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
