since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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