I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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