At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
