I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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