Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
