Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
