i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
