wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
