So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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