The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
