I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
