R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize