I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
