I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Still dying that you shit outside
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
