ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
NoShamevember. You game?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
