I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
