dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
