Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
