remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
