2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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