ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
