i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just invented taco cereal.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize