the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
