tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
