I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
