it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
