It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
