so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
