I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
