dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
