he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize