I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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