Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
