I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
