OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
