he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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