Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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