If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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