Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
