Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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